Butterfly

Events of the last 18 hours have me thinking. Once again, my oldest has pulled one of her shenanigans. In the past, one of these episodes would've sent me into a downward spiral of crying and anger. I would have been upset at my stomach for most of the night and I would have wasted time wondering what it was going to take to get my child to see the error of her ways.  While I am embarrassed with what she did, I have a peace in my soul. This peace ONLY comes from God. While she will have to endure the consequences for her actions, I have confidence that God will take even this and work it out for her good.

When I was a teenager, I did any and everything I thought I was grown enough to do.  It started in 7th grade. I started stealing from the people for whom I would babysit. I got into my first fight at school when I was in the 7th grade also. When I finally got into High School, I became sexually active at the age of 14. When I was 16,  I got busted for sneaking out of the house while my mother was working nights. When I was 17, threw a party in my parent's home while they were away. When I was 18, I started smoking weed occasionally and drinking. Having enough of my rebellious behavior, a few days after graduating from Riverdale, my mother kicked me out of her house. It was the 4th of July weekend to be exact. I lived on the street and in my car for a while. I then found myself living from house to house with whomever would take me in. When I was 19, I became pregnant out of wedlock.

The whole of my teen-age existence was spent in rebellion...I gave my dear parents so many sleepless nights and caused so many days of worry and anxiety.  I know my Mama tried everything she knew how to try and save me from my destructive ways. Looking back, I know that no matter what would have happened to me, I would have still continued doing whatever it was I "thought" I wanted to do.  Even though I knew consequences for my actions would have to be paid, I still took the chance that I may not get caught.

I always got caught.

When I look back over my teenage years, I see God's fingerprints all over the messes I made. Even when I was spending my time in complete rebellion, He was still watching over me and keeping me. He was still guiding and shaping my life. When I shattered a part of my existance, God was there, picking up the broken pieces, somehow making those broken pieces part of a beautiful creation.

The Love that God showed to me is the reason I can have peace even when my daughter does stupid stuff. I know that I am trying my best to give her a foundation in the Lord. I know that she knows right from wrong. I know and believe when scripture tells me to"train up my child in the way she should go, and when she is old, she will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). I also believe in prayer and I am going to stand in the gap and pray for God's hands to be all over her like they were me. Even when it doesn't look like she has God in her life, I know she does. I also know that my child is so much like me that her best teacher will be the consequences of life. I am fully aware that I could also be reaping what I've sown.

Since becoming an adult, butterflies have come to mean a lot to me. Butterflies are beauty personified. They being life as an ugly creature, and by grace, they undergo a transformation that includes struggle and pain before emerging as the Beauty that God intended.
 I see our lives as that of a butterfly. While we are here on earth, we are like the caterpillar...crawling along the ground, trying to find our way...then when we find THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIGHT /Jesus wraps us in a protective cocoon of God's mercy and love.  This cocoon, fashioned from the Love of God, is one where He begins the work of cleaning up our lives. We may struggle against this change like a wiggly two year old when getting his faced washed, but God always wins. Our cocoon is the protection and provision that God has for His children. When we die (if we have been saved), we are born into Heaven as a beautiful creation. Perfect and lacking in nothing.  Butterflies are God's reminder to me of how much He loves me.

I am so thankful that even when we are at our ugliest and our most rebellious, God still loves us. He is still willing to clean up our lives if only we will say yes to Him. Because of God's unfailing love, I KNOW my child will be ok. I know that I know that I know, and because I know...it is well with my soul.