Growing by His Grace

I have been seriously struggling lately with everything in my life. It seems that the "ears" of my heart have been too busy to hear God's still small voice. Daily life's aggrivations drag me down under a swift current of self-pity, and I struggle to break the surface for some much needed air.
I want God to use me and I want to be available to him every day, but it seems as if pride and selfishness have taken my heart and mind prisoner this week. I am calling out to Him to pluck me from this myre and muck, but when He does, I struggle against His gentle cleansing like a toddler eager to get away. I am tired, worn,and weary.

Jesus said; " Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Why is it that I haven't just laid it all down at His feet this last week? Why is it that I have not trusted Him and had faith that He sees and is handling our empty bank account and the neighbor with whom I struggle? Why have I not outstretched my hand to Jesus, knowing all along that He is waiting there to give me the rest I seek? Why is it that even though Jesus shows up time and time again, I develope amnesia and waste precious time worrying?

Oh, how I want to stop and breathe. Oh, how I need Jesus...Oh, how I wish I wasn't such a mess. You know what ? Even in the middle of my storms, He is there. Even though I am a mess and selfish and prideful...He still loves me. Even when I worry instead of placing my faith and trust in Him, He is still the same. For this I am forever going to praise His name, for without Jesus, I am NOTHING but a big mess....but with Jesus, I am just fine....

I am incompetant

My kids love to remind me of how they think I am an idiot. Today as I was browsing the Internet, my sons were sitting at the table eating a snack. For Jordan, animal crackers and for Isaiah, cereal. Now mind you , I have been pretty successful today with making sure that Isaiah did not do anything I did not want him to do. I kept him and the dog out of harm's way and I managed to feed and clothe him. Well, as soon as Jordan walks in the door, his campaign to usurp my parental status begins. He is constantly telling Isaiah what to do, to stop doing this, to start doing that. He is always taking things from Isaiah and correcting him. This child can barely take wipe his own bottom, much less tell Isaiah how to navigate life as a two year old.

I had to gently remind Jordan that I have been pretty successful being a parent since my oldest is 14 and his help was not necessary. I don't think he believed me.

Oh well, maybe when he is a Daddy, he will realize ( like we all do) that his Mama was not so stupid after all!

Overwhelmed with love

My family and I have been praying faithfully for my younger brother Toby over the last few years. Our prayer is that he will turn his life over to the Lord and ask Jesus to be his Lord and Savior. We believe that it will happen, but in God's timing. Sunday, during the time of our worship service when the pastor asks for prayer requests, I felt a tug in my heart to mention Toby. So, I swallowed the lump in my throat and raised my hand. I know that when two or more are gathered in his name, and agree on anything, then God is there with them, and He will answer thier prayers.

I believe my brother is coming soon to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I love him so very much, and I really want him to spend eternity in Heaven. I pray for God to heal all of Toby's many hurts, and I know God is the only Being that can do it.

Today, I opened my e-mail and began reading the e-newsletter from my church. There in black and white was my prayer request for my precious Toby. I started crying. I am so overwhelmed with love for my brother...and I am so hopeful that Toby will stop running from God, and simply say yes to Him.

I do not know if this blog has any readers, but if it does, please pray for my brother too....

Thank you



Dear Lord,
Toby is in your hands. I know that You love him and Jesus gave His life for my brother. I pray Lord, that Toby stops running from you and will surrender. Thank you for my brothers,all of them. I pray that you make me to be the sister they need, and I pray your protection on them. I love you Lord, and I am so glad that I know You. I pray that for Toby too.

In Jesus name,
Amen

What is God doing?

My life has taken on a strange path. A path on which I am so blessed and amazed to be able to travel. Since moving to Alabama, after I had a big fight with the devil, God sees fit to place me in the footsteps of some amazing people. Lately I have been meeting people who want to share their stories and their faith with me. There is the Korean lady who was so excited to talk about her love of the Lord that she could barely think in English well enough to speak! Then, there is Agnes O'Brien.
Ms. Agnes shared her life story with me while standing in the middle of the post office in Enterprise, Alabama. She also had a very powerful message for me,and for my Mom about my little brother, Toby. I left that post office knowing without a doubt that God is orchestrating every moment in my life.
I am not quite sure exactly what God is doing right now, but I will say that I am ready and I am excited to see what He has planned.

Shouting

I love blogs. I especially love women of God's blogs. I get so much encouragement from reading the words of God's beautiful daughters. Reading these words from women I have never met makes me want to shout of God's love from the rooftops. Even when things are tough, I know that God's provision will get us through. I just love Him so much, and I truly want to love him more.
Today I am thankful for

1. Simple things
2. The grass and trees that are growing and blooming all the while reminding me that Spring is upon us.
3. The whispers of the Holy Spirit
4. Chicken casserole
5. satin pajamas
6. Really good coffee
7. Chats with girlfriends that make me giggle.

I am really diggin this whole thankful thing. It has changed my perspective and I know that I am starting to see God more clearly! I praise His name.

When God answers prayers, make sure you are listening

As I write this, I am almost at a loss for words simply because there are no appropriate words for what I feel. I just read a blog from Lysa TerKeurst, she is involved with Proverbs 31 ministries. Her particular blog entry was about divine encounters and when something happens in your life that may seem ordinary, but it really is God showing you something he wants you to do. She expresses it more eloquently, of course, but you catch my drift.

Anyway, I have been struggling with one area of my life of late, and I have been praying for God to show me what he wants me to do. Through Lysa's blog, I know my Jesus was saying "here Tiffany, let me show you this, and you just do what you do." It answered my question about what God wanted from me. How I can serve Him...and I realized that He showed me that by just being me, and loving people, I am doing what He has gifted me to do. Praise God! I am so excited that God is the way He is. He gives us a gift,and by His grace, these gifts are things we naturally LOVE doing.

I am soooo thankful that He loves me that much that He is willing to show me what He wants. I believe with my whole heart that God always shows us the things we ask of Him. After all , He is our Father, and we are His children.

So, today I am thankful for many things which I will list, but I am especially thankful for answered prayers.

Here are just a few of the blessings that God allowed me today.

1. Answered prayer
2. A financial blessing
3. The opportunity to do something for a friend
4. My husband was home today
5. Spending time with my kids
6. A really good dinner consisting of BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and cabbage
7. Completing a total budget
8. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnell
9. Realizing I can do a lot with an English degree
10. My family, all of them including parents and siblings
11. Warm weather
12. Air conditioning
13. Jesus and His love, unending!
14. coffee
15. facebook
16. the desire to know God more.

Thank you Father God, for another day of life. I pray your blessings on all who read this and all that I know. I pray your peace on those hurting and lost people. I pray your Spirit moves mightily among this world and more people come to You. I praise and bless Your Holy Name. Amen.

Saturday what a day

I am so thankful for this day, and for the time God allows me here on this Earth. I know that when I pass on to Heaven, I will be happier and more fulfilled than I ever could be on Earth. That being said, I think it is natural that we want to live on this Earth as long as we possible can. I pray that God allows me to live many years. I pray that I can live to see my grandkids and be the kind of grandmother that my Mama is. I pray that I get to spend many, many years with my wonderful husband. I just pray for many more years,and I really think that is normal.

Saturday has been a wonderful day. Here are just some of the blessings that I have seen this day

1. Isaiah slept for thirty minutes longer than he usually does
2. I got to spend several hours alone with my daughter Jazmyne
3. I went shopping
4. My husband and everything he is and does
5. My wacky insane boys and Isaiah telling me 100 times that I am his besfren eber.
6. My doggie
7. E-mail from my friend Pennie
8. Lauging
9. My perfect chocolate cream cheese frosting
10. My dad and husband ganging up on me for liking the Colts
11. The weather was gorgeous today
12. My husbands "grill skills"
13. Family time.

Friday's thankful post

The night is upon me and my eyes are becoming heavy. Its only 7:46, but I am old, so its almost past my bedtime.
I just wanted to share my thankful post for Friday..

1. God woke me up today
2. My hubby graduated from BNCOC which means he is home this weekend..yay
3. The weather was gorgeous.
4. I got a financial issue resolved. I did not get too upset, I just gave it to God and went on my way. By the end of the day, I got a phone call saying the company would overnight me a check..whoo hooo
5. Subway roast beef sandwiches...and only eating a six inch
6. Salads from Hungry Howies.
7. My awesome husband cleaned my house , I love him so much
8. Chatting with my girlfriend Tamarah, and messaging Megan
9. Online girlfriends with whom I have a connection even though we have never met...we will one day soon though..I hope
10. The sound of my windchimes outside
11. My doggie Bella.
12. My healthy kids
13. The weekend.
14. Fabulous chocolate icing made from scratch.

Wow, today was great! God is so good. Its the little things in life that make it so special. I am signing off...until tomorrow....

Thursday's Thankful post....

Yes, I know....today is actually Friday. Last night I got so far behind on what my family needed me to do that I neglected my thankful post...*gasp* and only on the second day...
Well, here is what happened to me yesterday for which I am thankful.

1. The weather was gorgeous

2. I walked two miles with a child on his tricycle and a dog who insisted on vomiting twice, but hey, we made it back to the car and that was awesome

3. A chance encounter at the commissary with Jazmyne's boyfriend's Mom and I really like this lady.

4. My husband got to stay home with me for several hours. I love his company and he is my "besfren eber", just dont tell Isaiah this one...

5. My kids.

6. Hearing from people whom I love dearly and are a blessing to my life.

7. The love of God...My Saviour Jesus Christ...and knowing that no matter what I do, they love me and I am forgiven.


Well, today is a new day, and I know it is full of blessings. I am excited to see what God has in store for me!!

Seems He's in the details

I am so totally in awe of God this week. Truly. It never ceases to amaze me at how much He loves me, the horribly wretched wreck that I am. This week He has blown my socks off.

I have been a stay-at-home Mom for almost ten years. I wish I could say I was one of those Moms who relished their stay-at-home role. I seem to have fought it almost the entire time. Some days are better than others and I cannot imagine NOT being here with my kids, but then there are the really dark days when depression seems to be lurking behind every door and hiding in every corner. I tried for many years, unsuccessfully, to make friends. I found out the hard way that not everyone is nice, and people will hurt you. The worst hurt I experienced in my early married life was from a group of women who all professed to be Christian. Instead of being loving and caring toward me, they decided I was to be banished from their group because I was unstable. The truth of that matter was I was going through TERRIBLE post- partum depression and my husband was in Korea for a year. I lived 6 hours away from my family, and I was alone. Heck yeah I was unstable!
Well, those years set the stage for several years of toxic friendships, and friendships that ultimately did not last. I felt very lonely and always rejected. That, compounded with the isolation of being a stay-at-home Mom, really did some things to my heart, and to my head.

I prayed HARD for God to please send me some female friends. Some good, honest, caring, Christian friends. I used to think that He was not hearing me, or I was just so horrible that I did not deserve any friends. Well, now when I look at that season in my life, I realize He was preparing me. Oh, how great and wise is God! He had to prepare me, he had to dig out all the bad, and plant the good in my soul. He had to make me love him the MOST before He would give me any friends.

Fast forward a few years, I found myself at another military post, and I was very cautious about making friends. I would say hello to people, but I would not DARE let anyone get close to me. I was also still struggling with being a SAHM and seems like I just refused to even go to the MOPS meetings or go to anything they offered on post to connect other Moms. I was damaged and leery of anyone.I did not want to experience that hurt again, and that rejection I felt from the first time I tried to make other Mom friends.

Well, through the Grace of God, I met my neighbor Stephanie. She is a little older than me, she is a LOT wiser, and she is hilarious. God used this woman to heal my heart and let me know that God had prepared my life and my heart for female friends. Through Stephanie, I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about God. I then went on to make other friends that have blessed my life in ways that they may NEVER know. Stephanie and I are still friends to this day, and I have a sneaking suspicion that we always will be.

About three months ago, we moved again. Such is the life of a military spouse. I hated leaving Fort Campbell because I had made several friends and I really began to grow into the woman God had been preparing me to grow into. Well, last week was very difficult. I cried and cried for several days. I could not pinpoint exactly what was wrong, except I was very lonely and feeling isolated again. We are very involved in church and I see other ladies at church, but never really have formed any close bonds with them. That is until a friend of Jordan's Mom and I started talking. She has been a blessing and God sent her into my life as well. I also have reconnected with a girlfriend from Fort Campbell who too has moved down to Fort Rucker. I have met a neighbor with whom I have a lot in common, and my daughter's boyfriend's Mom is a woman I am eager to really get to know.

So what does this have to do with God knocking my socks off? Well, in the midst of my tears last week, I cried out to Him and poured all my pain on Him. I told Him I needed friends and I needed Him to show me what exactly I am supposed to be doing, and just like God always does, He gave me exactly what I needed, and I praise Him because this time, I was ready.

Complaining

Lately, it seems as if I have become a professional complainer. My poor husband has endured several hundred hours of my moaning, complaining, and crying over one thing or the other. God gave him the patience of Job, cause I know I have tested his nerves on more than one occasion. Never does he say anything like "suck it up and drive on", he just listens and offers a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold. I am so greatful for that.

God has been dealing with me lately about my complaining, and Joyce Meyer put it in perfect perspective this morning. She said God has said to her, "why should I bless you with more when you complain about what you've already got"....dingdingdingding...we have a winner...that was exactly what I needed to hear. So, today,as I get reacquainted with blogging, I have decided to dedicate an entire year to listing things for which I am greatful.

Each day I am going to write down some good things that happened that day, and I know that because God is faithful, He will open my eyes more and more to see all the things He has given me.

Things I am thankful for today:

1. My youngest son, Isaiah, told me today I am his " besfren eber" (translation: best friend ever)

2. My husband started our laundry

3. I walked two miles this morning without keeling over

4. For 30 whole minutes, I got to sit in silence while my son napped.

5. I had a great chat with a dear friend, and talking to another adult was a blessing

6. Coffee..

7. Talked to my Momma


Aahhh, that was nice.

Thank you Lord for today, and for blessing me with all that you have given me. I pray that each day my eyes will be opened to the wonder of YOU and Your Grace and Mercy. Teach me, mold me, and show me how to be the woman YOU created me to be. I praise and bless Your Holy and Wonderful name.

Amen.

"Real" people

I love Joyce Meyer. Not only does she deliver some wonderful sermons and teachings, she is "real". She has no problem telling you what a mess she was in the past, and how she still struggles with things today. To me, those people are much more credible than those who pretend to have it all together and to be walking a holy walk in a perfect way.

I enjoy pastors whom, while in the middle of thier sermon, will tell you how they struggle with that particular topic. It makes the whole walk with God seem a little more simple. I think people get turned off by Christians who hide behind fake smiles and try to make you believe that they have no problems.

I am certainly one of those people who laugh when people try to be "fake" and pretend that they have the perfect life, the perfect amount of money, the perfect kids, the perfect political views, the right attitudes, the perfect marriage, the perfect house (one that they remodled themselves none the less) and so forth. PLEASE...nothing turns me off more than people hiding who they really are.

While as your sister in Chirst, I will rejoice when you rejoice and cry when you cry, I want you to also share with me your struggle and how God helped you get through it. I don't want to hear how great things in your life are all the time. When a person is sharing thier real life, I feel that God reveals our divine connection to one another.

I have learned that people don't really care about what car you drive, how great your kids are, how your husband or wife is so loving, or how you are such a great Mom/wife/sister/aunt.......what they do care about is if you will share life with them. Can you really listen and relate to thier struggles and thier hurts? Can you show them that you too, struggle and have hurts? Can you show them how God has healed your hurts and how God loves you even when you fall?

See, when we share our love of God and God's love for us, we have a more effective witness if we are truthful with people and not saying what we think the proper "religious" thing would be. That does not mean I think we should run off at the mouth, but we need to pray and ask for His guidance when sharing ourselves with other.

. God has blessed me with the opportunity over the last few years to share my story with people, many of whom are not believers or have little knowledge of Christ and who He really is. I praise God that He has used my story and my hurt to bring others to Him. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these people identified with my pain, with my struggles, and with my desire to love Him more, and my desire to really KNOW God. I know that by loving people where they are, my lifesong sings to God, and He draws those people to Him through me and my story and my life.


After making the above statement, let me take a moment to share something...last week I heard from a person that I know. She felt the need to share her opinon with me about something on which we do not agree. Not that we completely disagree, but we have different views on what God actually wants from us, so I feel that this must be said:I have very strong views and beliefs about certain things in the Bible. I know with all of my heart that we are to gently share the truth with people , with love. If a person is walking in sin, deliberatley or even out of ignorance, then as a child of God, we ARE to love those people and show God's forgiveness, but we ARE NOT to look the other way. There is a difference in sharing religion and sharing God's love and forgiveness..and truthfully I am not one for religion. I am however in love with God and Christ and am thankful that He is Holy and righteous and only through the blood of Jesus, I am also righteous. We are all sinners, and we all fall short of God's glory...every day. We need Him, and he commissioned us to go into the world and share the Good News. What we are to share with people is His truth and His word, and we are to point them to Christ. I believe that loving someone does not mean we let people remain in ignorance.

My prayer lately is that God allow me to be real, and to also allow more people who are willing to be "real" to rise up and share His love.