I have been seriously struggling lately with everything in my life. It seems that the "ears" of my heart have been too busy to hear God's still small voice. Daily life's aggrivations drag me down under a swift current of self-pity, and I struggle to break the surface for some much needed air.
I want God to use me and I want to be available to him every day, but it seems as if pride and selfishness have taken my heart and mind prisoner this week. I am calling out to Him to pluck me from this myre and muck, but when He does, I struggle against His gentle cleansing like a toddler eager to get away. I am tired, worn,and weary.
Jesus said; " Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Why is it that I haven't just laid it all down at His feet this last week? Why is it that I have not trusted Him and had faith that He sees and is handling our empty bank account and the neighbor with whom I struggle? Why have I not outstretched my hand to Jesus, knowing all along that He is waiting there to give me the rest I seek? Why is it that even though Jesus shows up time and time again, I develope amnesia and waste precious time worrying?
Oh, how I want to stop and breathe. Oh, how I need Jesus...Oh, how I wish I wasn't such a mess. You know what ? Even in the middle of my storms, He is there. Even though I am a mess and selfish and prideful...He still loves me. Even when I worry instead of placing my faith and trust in Him, He is still the same. For this I am forever going to praise His name, for without Jesus, I am NOTHING but a big mess....but with Jesus, I am just fine....
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