Let me start with my weigh-in. I lost 1.8 lbs this week for a total of -16 lbs. gone. I am thankful. That puts me at 246. I haven't seen that number ina while and while it's not quite "virgin fat territory", it's getting close.
Eating has gone well, although I feel something building inside...like the need to eat something fattening...and I wonder if it's stress and disappointment. With all that is going on right now, it would make sense that my desire for fatteneing food would be tied into the situation at hand.
What is the situation about which I speak? Well, it's my brother and his wife. They have been married for 9 years. From the beginning of their marriage, my brother has treated his wife horribly. For the life of me, I cannot understand WHY she has chosen to stay with him. He calls her every name in the book (cunt, stupid bitch, gutter whore)...and tells her she cannot do anything right. If she corrects their daughter in front of him, he tells his daughter she does not have to listen to her Mama. If she cooks for him, he criticizes her cooking. Yet, my SIL has stayed. She says it's because she doesn't take him seriously. She says she tunes him out and he apologizes for his blow-ups later. Ummm, I am sorry...this is my brother , but that is emotional and verbal abuse and NO ONE deserves to be demeaned like that.
I am not going to pretend that my SIL is perfect, because she isn't and there are legitimate issues within their marriage that need to be worked on. Neither my brother or SIL have EVER given priority to their marriage. Since my niece was born 10 months after they got married, their entire married life has revolved around my niece. She is 8 now and STILL SLEEPS IN THE BED WITH THEM EVERY NIGHT...well, let me correct that...she sleeps with Kelle...my brother is a truck driver and is gone most of the time. Still, co-sleeping with an 8 year old is NOT HEALTHY for anyone involved. They have always put Caitlin first and their marriage last. My SIL is a lot like my husband and communicating has always been difficult
Anyway, my brother says he has been telling Kelle that they need counseling for two years. Truthfully, he mentioned it twice in that time period...only TWICE.... So, here is where things start to seem...well, strange.
Two months ago, my brother began talking to a girl that my step sister has been friends with for year. This girl was giving my family information about some things that were occurring with my step-sister and her husband. Well, after this information was given, my brother continued talking to this girl on a regular basis. The calls increased. Now they are talking every single day..every single night...and he has stopped coming home when he gets in from a run. He tells his wife that he is sleeping in his truck, but personally, I think that is a bunch of bunk. Why? , Prior to two months ago, no matter how late my brother got in from a run, even if he only had a few hours to be at home..he went home. He wanted to be with his family. Since he's started talking to this girl, it's changed. My SIL discovered he was calling this girl at 2 a.m. For every time my brother has called his family, he has called this girl three times as often. Almost every single number on thier cell phone bill for the last three months has belonged to this girl...
He tells everyone that they are just friends, but it's funny that the subject of a divorce never really came up until two months ago when this "relationship" began.
My mother found the girl at my brother's house while my SIL was out of town. No, they weren't inside his house, but still, it didn't look right. This girl knows my SIL but any time she is around her, she will NOT speak to my SIL...it's just a little suspicious. If there really was nothing going on..why would you not speak?Why would you NOT make sure NO ONE thought anything was going on that was inappropriate? My mom has questioned my brother about this girl and he got very upset and defended this girl over my SIL ...wait..why are you defending her and not considering your wife??....it just all seems so sad.
The latest blow was when he told me that although he is still sending my SIL and niece on a trip to Disney World, he will not be going..his reasons are so that he can work He claims they need the money...but UMMMM..this is your child's FIRST time to go to Disney and you aren't going to be there? You say you need the money...ok..so cancel the trip altogether...If you don't have other motives, then either go with your family or cancel the trip totally. It doesn't sound right that you are still sending them (costing money) but YOU are not going.... I don't think that sounds right...I know, I am leaving off major details and some of this doesn't sound so bad...but , and this is where I am going to step on some toes, IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOU ARE HAVING ISSUES YOU HAVE NO NO NO BUSINESS TALKING TO ANOTHER WOMAN/MAN ABOUT YOUR MARITAL ISSUES UNLESS IT IS A COUNSELOR OR A FAMILY MEMBER.
IF YOU ARE TALKING TO A MARRIED PERSON HAVING MARITAL ISSUES AND YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN SUSPECTED THAT YOU MAY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SAID MARRIED PERSON...IF YOU CARE ABOUT THEM AT ALL THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE UNTIL THEIR DIVORCE IS FINAL...
That is just my two cents. I believe in grace and forgiveness, but I do see how another person can be a contributing factor in a the dissolution of a marriage that COULD have been saved. When you are having marital issues, muddying the waters by talking to someone of the opposite sex that you've admitted that you were attracted to is just NOT a good idea. Either give your marriage a fighting chance and leave the other person alone or make the decison to leave. Also, look beyond what may feel good in the moment. Especailly if there are children involved. Once you decided to split up the marriage you are damaging many lives beyond your own. Divorce sucks. It hurts...and inevitably the kids get caught in the middle.
Now, do I believe that there is forgiveness for everything? Of course I do. Do I believe in grace..of course I do. I would not be living the life Christ wants me to live if I did not....
However, when you really haven't even mentioned divorce until you begin talking to another woman, then...yeah, I have an issue with that. Especially when this girl is a friend of our step-sisters and has trashed our step-sister to death. Also, when a person does everything to drive a wedge between you and your famliy...then yeah, I see a BIG problem.
This stresses me because it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I hate to see the potential casualties. I hate to see what this is doing to my SIL and my niece. Hearing her cry on the phone broke my heart...and watching my brother's selfishness is maddening. I am praying that God will remove the scales from my brother's eyes and will soften his heart. I am praying for a reconciliation. I am praying that because marriage is OF God, that He will save this one. God already has everything worked out. I do trust that. I just pray that my brother makes the right choices and will at least give his marriage a chance.
While I could choose to be upset with this girl, I really am not. I am upset with my brother. This other girl is just a pawn in the game. It could be any other girl, it really would not matter. The fact is that my brother's clear thinking is being clouded by the presence of another person. He has also tuned God out completely.
This situation is just really sad to me. I will support him and I will love him. That does not mean that I will like or even approve of what he does. I am going to need God to work on my heart in this situation also....
Sigh...
Guess I should go now...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tired
This morning I woke up in a foul mood. I am tired and my body is tired. I have been working out very, very hard and I think my body is in revolt. I peeked at the scale and I have stayed exactly the same as last week. Truthfully, I am happy with that. I have been hitting the weights really hard lately and I know my body is adjusting to that. I also have been having a problem with sweets again. I have been staying within my points, but those sugar cravings are getting to me and I think they were prompted by the cheesecake. Oh well.
Tomorrow is my "official" weigh in day and I will post official results then. For now, I am going to go take a two mile walk..I am not climbing hills, I am just going to walk the two mile track and call it enough for today. My body needs rest.
I am battling those impatient feelings again. I want to be so much further along in this journey that what I am. I know I have many lessons to learn along the way..but for some reason I want to rush them.
I've got some praying to do today...a lot of praying because I feel a heaviness in my spirit. I need to just be alone with God. I need to pour my heart out to Him. I need to feel His reassurance that everything is going to work out the way He intends it to work out. I already know this is true, but I guess I need my soul to "hear" it.
I need direction in my life and right now I feel like I am staring into an abyss. Which direction do I turn? What do I do now that my kids are all in school? I know we need some income in this house. My husband has been supporting us for all these years, and even though he makes more money now than he did, the economy is worse. I cannot get out of Walmart without spending at least $50 bucks. When you are supporting 5 people on a soldier's salary...that's hard.
Let me not even get into the whole teenager thing. She is so expensive and I feel like I cannot keep up...ugh..here comes that heaviness in my soul again.
Going to go pray now...
Tomorrow is my "official" weigh in day and I will post official results then. For now, I am going to go take a two mile walk..I am not climbing hills, I am just going to walk the two mile track and call it enough for today. My body needs rest.
I am battling those impatient feelings again. I want to be so much further along in this journey that what I am. I know I have many lessons to learn along the way..but for some reason I want to rush them.
I've got some praying to do today...a lot of praying because I feel a heaviness in my spirit. I need to just be alone with God. I need to pour my heart out to Him. I need to feel His reassurance that everything is going to work out the way He intends it to work out. I already know this is true, but I guess I need my soul to "hear" it.
I need direction in my life and right now I feel like I am staring into an abyss. Which direction do I turn? What do I do now that my kids are all in school? I know we need some income in this house. My husband has been supporting us for all these years, and even though he makes more money now than he did, the economy is worse. I cannot get out of Walmart without spending at least $50 bucks. When you are supporting 5 people on a soldier's salary...that's hard.
Let me not even get into the whole teenager thing. She is so expensive and I feel like I cannot keep up...ugh..here comes that heaviness in my soul again.
Going to go pray now...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Changes...
I've had a hard time making myself write on this blog lately. I am not sure why other than I can be a pretty boring person and I really did not have much to say. My eating has gone very well and so has exercise. In fact, I find that I may need to bump up the exercise to an hour and a half each day. My body loves to sweat and I love how I feel when I am working out.
This weekend was Terrance's birthday. He chose to go to Olive Garden and I had the Venetian Apricot Chicken which was only 7 points...word to the wise, it was not very good...at all...but anyway, I stayed on track. Yesterday (his actual b'day) I ate cheesecake. It was great. I counted my points and moved on. I have had a lot of sodium laden foods in the last few days so I have to double my water intake so I can wash some of this sodium out before Wednesday. This weekend I have struggled to get in 64 oz, much less anything more than that.
I am at a strange place in my life. My youngest started Pre-K this year. He is only going to be gone for two and a half hours a day....but when he got on the bus this morning..all brave and happy...my heart broke. I know it sounds strange because I have been begging for some alone time...but I am having a harder time with letting the last of my babies go....He is so little that when he sat down on the bus seat, I couldn't see his head. Just typing this makes me cry.
Isaiah going into Pre-K coupled with Jazmyne being a sophomore in high school just has me feeling nostalgic and sentimental. What am I going to do when she graduates. I may need a sedative. I can see how people get that empty nest syndrome. I mean you devote your lives to raising them and one day, you have to let them go. It's scary. I wonder if we've prepared them enough? I wonder if we've taught them about God enough so that He is the one on whom they lean? We have them at home for only a short while. I have to ask God to forgive me now for complaining about my kids when they've driven me nuts. I am very thankful for these kids. They have made my life interesting and wonderful over the last 15 years.
Well, I now have time to work out in the morning, so I am heading to the gym....after I finish my coffee. I hope everyone has a great day...
Until tomorrow....
This weekend was Terrance's birthday. He chose to go to Olive Garden and I had the Venetian Apricot Chicken which was only 7 points...word to the wise, it was not very good...at all...but anyway, I stayed on track. Yesterday (his actual b'day) I ate cheesecake. It was great. I counted my points and moved on. I have had a lot of sodium laden foods in the last few days so I have to double my water intake so I can wash some of this sodium out before Wednesday. This weekend I have struggled to get in 64 oz, much less anything more than that.
I am at a strange place in my life. My youngest started Pre-K this year. He is only going to be gone for two and a half hours a day....but when he got on the bus this morning..all brave and happy...my heart broke. I know it sounds strange because I have been begging for some alone time...but I am having a harder time with letting the last of my babies go....He is so little that when he sat down on the bus seat, I couldn't see his head. Just typing this makes me cry.
Isaiah going into Pre-K coupled with Jazmyne being a sophomore in high school just has me feeling nostalgic and sentimental. What am I going to do when she graduates. I may need a sedative. I can see how people get that empty nest syndrome. I mean you devote your lives to raising them and one day, you have to let them go. It's scary. I wonder if we've prepared them enough? I wonder if we've taught them about God enough so that He is the one on whom they lean? We have them at home for only a short while. I have to ask God to forgive me now for complaining about my kids when they've driven me nuts. I am very thankful for these kids. They have made my life interesting and wonderful over the last 15 years.
Well, I now have time to work out in the morning, so I am heading to the gym....after I finish my coffee. I hope everyone has a great day...
Until tomorrow....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
15 lbs. and a horrible mood
Yesterday was weigh-in day and if you are my friend on FB, I shouted it all over that. I could not bring myself to write about it here on my blog. I am not sure why other than I have just been in a very ill mood lately. So, anyway, I lost another 2.8 lbs bringing my total to 15 lbs. lost.
That's great. I am starting to see a slightly smaller me and I am definately noticing my cardio improving as well as my overall strength. I know I am making progress toward my goal and I am going to keep going
I am feeling really moody lately. I don't know why. It's possible that I am just hormonal, but I don't like where this funk is taking me. When I get like this, I don't like anyone...I don't have much tolerance for people's crap, and this attitude is purely selfish. It's not the attitude of Christ. I am ashamed of my thoughts on days like this. I wish I could control them. I need to practice bringing every thought into the captivity of Christ. I need to get my act together.
I think I ruined my MP3 player. I love this thing. I take it to the gym or on any of my workouts and I listen while I work. Well, I was really wet with sweat a few days ago, and I had my MP3 player against my skin. Well, I think I ruined it by getting it wet. It still plays but only for a while. I guess I need to get another form of entertainment or my workouts will be pretty boring. Ineed want my music.
Well, today is the last day I will have the baby. I am moving to another position within the FCC staff and I will no longer have kids in my home...PRAISE GOD!!!!!
There is just something about being stuck at home with a house full of other people's children that sends me off the deep end. Maybe it's not the kids, but it IS being stuck in the house all the time that makes me crazy, or should I say crazier! I am truly thankful that I will not be taking care of babies any more. I admire people who absolutely love that...but...after a year of doing it...I know it's not for me. I thank God I was able to have that source of income while still being at home with my children. It's just time to move on.
Well, I guess I should get this day started...I am looking forward to a great breakfast and I am already counting the minutes until I can deal with my negative emotions in the gym.
Until tomorrow.
That's great. I am starting to see a slightly smaller me and I am definately noticing my cardio improving as well as my overall strength. I know I am making progress toward my goal and I am going to keep going
I am feeling really moody lately. I don't know why. It's possible that I am just hormonal, but I don't like where this funk is taking me. When I get like this, I don't like anyone...I don't have much tolerance for people's crap, and this attitude is purely selfish. It's not the attitude of Christ. I am ashamed of my thoughts on days like this. I wish I could control them. I need to practice bringing every thought into the captivity of Christ. I need to get my act together.
I think I ruined my MP3 player. I love this thing. I take it to the gym or on any of my workouts and I listen while I work. Well, I was really wet with sweat a few days ago, and I had my MP3 player against my skin. Well, I think I ruined it by getting it wet. It still plays but only for a while. I guess I need to get another form of entertainment or my workouts will be pretty boring. I
Well, today is the last day I will have the baby. I am moving to another position within the FCC staff and I will no longer have kids in my home...PRAISE GOD!!!!!
There is just something about being stuck at home with a house full of other people's children that sends me off the deep end. Maybe it's not the kids, but it IS being stuck in the house all the time that makes me crazy, or should I say crazier! I am truly thankful that I will not be taking care of babies any more. I admire people who absolutely love that...but...after a year of doing it...I know it's not for me. I thank God I was able to have that source of income while still being at home with my children. It's just time to move on.
Well, I guess I should get this day started...I am looking forward to a great breakfast and I am already counting the minutes until I can deal with my negative emotions in the gym.
Until tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
"I’m convinced making that one switch in my brain changed everything for me."..this was a line from the blogpost I read from Lysa TerKeurst today. She is a Christian writer and I love reading her blog and plan to read many of her books. Today's topic was about the peace of weight loss she has experienced. She gave up sugar and lost weight as well as found peace. Not without the help of God, of course.
When I ran across the line I quoted above, I said AMEN in my head and realized that this weight loss thing really IS about changing my mind. By deciding for myself that I am not going to be a slave to my weight or to my selfish-self-destructive ways any more, I changed my mind. This mind changing is a daily process for me, but still...I get what she was saying.
I have been living my new lifestyle for one month and three days now. I have to say that I do get excited when I realize there are new ways to challenge myself every day. When I look at this weight loss process as an adventure in getting to know myself and seeing what I can do (with the help of the Holy Spirit), I cannot help but get excited. To think I was living such an angry and bored life before...all I had to do was yeild to the prompting of God, ask for His help, make a plan and follow it..and my life would be changed. I can say that since I began this journey a month ago, I have made some "mind" progress. The physical stuff truly is secondary.
I am learning there is more to life than getting what I want "right now". That is a hard lesson for me because I have ALWAYS been an impulsive person. My "right-now" mindset has led me astray on many occasions and truly, I am glad to have God on my side while trying to slay this demon. It's a big one. That is not to say that I don't get impatient any more, because I really do...too often still...but it is changing...ever so slightly..but change in a positive direction for sure.
Today will have many challenges for me. I have an 8 week old over here today and he has already decided that he is not going to want his little hiney to touch a solid surface. He is insisting that he be held if his eyes are open. Jazmyne is holding him now so I can write this. So, anyway, I must trudge ahead through this day...I really need to get started on my water consumption. I am sure my friend Amber already has a few glasses kicked back...she is usually on it!
Well, have a good day yall...tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I am excited to see what happened this week. Mother nature decided to arrive last night...so this should be interesting..
Until tomorrow...
When I ran across the line I quoted above, I said AMEN in my head and realized that this weight loss thing really IS about changing my mind. By deciding for myself that I am not going to be a slave to my weight or to my selfish-self-destructive ways any more, I changed my mind. This mind changing is a daily process for me, but still...I get what she was saying.
I have been living my new lifestyle for one month and three days now. I have to say that I do get excited when I realize there are new ways to challenge myself every day. When I look at this weight loss process as an adventure in getting to know myself and seeing what I can do (with the help of the Holy Spirit), I cannot help but get excited. To think I was living such an angry and bored life before...all I had to do was yeild to the prompting of God, ask for His help, make a plan and follow it..and my life would be changed. I can say that since I began this journey a month ago, I have made some "mind" progress. The physical stuff truly is secondary.
I am learning there is more to life than getting what I want "right now". That is a hard lesson for me because I have ALWAYS been an impulsive person. My "right-now" mindset has led me astray on many occasions and truly, I am glad to have God on my side while trying to slay this demon. It's a big one. That is not to say that I don't get impatient any more, because I really do...too often still...but it is changing...ever so slightly..but change in a positive direction for sure.
Today will have many challenges for me. I have an 8 week old over here today and he has already decided that he is not going to want his little hiney to touch a solid surface. He is insisting that he be held if his eyes are open. Jazmyne is holding him now so I can write this. So, anyway, I must trudge ahead through this day...I really need to get started on my water consumption. I am sure my friend Amber already has a few glasses kicked back...she is usually on it!
Well, have a good day yall...tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I am excited to see what happened this week. Mother nature decided to arrive last night...so this should be interesting..
Until tomorrow...
Monday, August 16, 2010
releasing stored emotions
I've noticed a phenomenon over the last couple of days. Whenever I get finished working out, I need to cry. I am not crying because of physical pain or discomfort. I am not hurting or anything like that. I really didn't pay attention until last night when it happened twice...once after my workout and once after something else...
It was after the second time last night that I began to wonder. I have always heard that we store our emotions in our muscles and tissue and things like a massage or exercise "frees" those emotions. I guess that is what I am experiencing.
I never realized I was stuffing so much until recently. I mean, I am always expressing how I feel, or at least I think I am .....
I have been away from my blog for a few days by choice. I decided I was going to be on the computer a little less and present with my family a little more. We had a great weekend and I think we grew closer because of that small decision to "be where my feet are".
My eating has been really good over the last few days. Saturday night I went to an early dinner with a friend and had an authentic greek gyro...OH MY GOSH...it was simply divine. The meat was like none I have ever tasted. Who knew lamb was so delicious. I tracked my points for the gyro and tzatzki sauce and still had a couple of points left over for some fruit before bed. I do still struggle a bit with those stupid chex mix bars. They are like crack for me. I told myself that I would not buy them anymore, but I lost that battle when I went to the grocery store while I was hungry. I found that I waste way too many points on those stupid little things and I will habitually eat them even when I am not hungry. That was the main thing I was trying to stop doing during this journey. Not eat when I am not hungry. I know I am making progress,but at times, I get a little impatient with myself. I have got to work on being more patient with my mistakes...this is a lifestyle change...it's not soemthing that requires perfection every single day.
Let me see...I need to pat myself on the back for a minute. While we were out running errands today, we stopped at McDonalds. I ordered a regular hamburger add lettuce and tomato, and a side salad with ranch dressing. I ate the salad and burger but only used half of the dressing. I consumed 8 points at lunch and I was satisfied. I can really tell when I have had enough to eat now...I am becoming familiar with that "stopping point" God gave me.
When I pay attention to my body, amazing things happen.
I know I have been saying all along that after a month of weekly weigh-ins, I was only going to weigh once a month. Well, I have reconsidered. I think I will weigh-in weekly until I feel other wise. Since I do Weight Watchers online, I kinda need those weekly numbers. Plus they can be a huge motivating factor too keep going. Even when the scale goes up, if I have had a "clean" week, I will do my best to shake it off and keep going. If I have had a week that I've eaten more than I needed to, then I have nothing to complain about.
Well, I am going to try and do better about keeping my blog updated. Sometimes I think we DO have to just stop some of our madness and spend time doing the things that REALLY matter. Spending time with family, in prayer, at church, helping others....the list can be long on what REALLY matters. I guess it is also a personal choice as well.
I hope you all have a great night, and thanks for reading..
Until tomorrow!!!!
It was after the second time last night that I began to wonder. I have always heard that we store our emotions in our muscles and tissue and things like a massage or exercise "frees" those emotions. I guess that is what I am experiencing.
I never realized I was stuffing so much until recently. I mean, I am always expressing how I feel, or at least I think I am .....
I have been away from my blog for a few days by choice. I decided I was going to be on the computer a little less and present with my family a little more. We had a great weekend and I think we grew closer because of that small decision to "be where my feet are".
My eating has been really good over the last few days. Saturday night I went to an early dinner with a friend and had an authentic greek gyro...OH MY GOSH...it was simply divine. The meat was like none I have ever tasted. Who knew lamb was so delicious. I tracked my points for the gyro and tzatzki sauce and still had a couple of points left over for some fruit before bed. I do still struggle a bit with those stupid chex mix bars. They are like crack for me. I told myself that I would not buy them anymore, but I lost that battle when I went to the grocery store while I was hungry. I found that I waste way too many points on those stupid little things and I will habitually eat them even when I am not hungry. That was the main thing I was trying to stop doing during this journey. Not eat when I am not hungry. I know I am making progress,but at times, I get a little impatient with myself. I have got to work on being more patient with my mistakes...this is a lifestyle change...it's not soemthing that requires perfection every single day.
Let me see...I need to pat myself on the back for a minute. While we were out running errands today, we stopped at McDonalds. I ordered a regular hamburger add lettuce and tomato, and a side salad with ranch dressing. I ate the salad and burger but only used half of the dressing. I consumed 8 points at lunch and I was satisfied. I can really tell when I have had enough to eat now...I am becoming familiar with that "stopping point" God gave me.
When I pay attention to my body, amazing things happen.
I know I have been saying all along that after a month of weekly weigh-ins, I was only going to weigh once a month. Well, I have reconsidered. I think I will weigh-in weekly until I feel other wise. Since I do Weight Watchers online, I kinda need those weekly numbers. Plus they can be a huge motivating factor too keep going. Even when the scale goes up, if I have had a "clean" week, I will do my best to shake it off and keep going. If I have had a week that I've eaten more than I needed to, then I have nothing to complain about.
Well, I am going to try and do better about keeping my blog updated. Sometimes I think we DO have to just stop some of our madness and spend time doing the things that REALLY matter. Spending time with family, in prayer, at church, helping others....the list can be long on what REALLY matters. I guess it is also a personal choice as well.
I hope you all have a great night, and thanks for reading..
Until tomorrow!!!!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Family...
Right now, I am so very thankful for my husband and children. Sometimes I feel that they are the only "family" I have. Well, I don't REALLY think that, but I wish things were different. Things with my brothers are strained. We really don't have much of a realtionship per se. I haven't talked to my middle brother Jeremy in a couple of months. Probably since June. He doesn't call me and I don't call him. Maybe I should be the one to reach out.
It's not that we had a falling out, we didn't. I don't know...it's just weird. Sometimes my heart hurts because there seems to be alot of jealousy and competition going on in the family and NO communication. I hate this.
I don't know what to do about it other than pray and I will start doing that. I hate to see the rift grow wider and wider. It sure is going to make going to my mother's house very difficult. Going to her house is difficult anyway. I wish family weren't so complicated.
Anyway, the last couple of days have been good as far as eating and exercise goes. I think I am really liking my new "two a day" approach. I break my workouts up into two seperate sessions. I like sweating in the morning and at night. It sure does help me sleep better. The stress relief I get from exercision alone is worth all the effort. I am going to keep on keeping on.
Sorry for the short post. I am going to shower and go to bed.
It's not that we had a falling out, we didn't. I don't know...it's just weird. Sometimes my heart hurts because there seems to be alot of jealousy and competition going on in the family and NO communication. I hate this.
I don't know what to do about it other than pray and I will start doing that. I hate to see the rift grow wider and wider. It sure is going to make going to my mother's house very difficult. Going to her house is difficult anyway. I wish family weren't so complicated.
Anyway, the last couple of days have been good as far as eating and exercise goes. I think I am really liking my new "two a day" approach. I break my workouts up into two seperate sessions. I like sweating in the morning and at night. It sure does help me sleep better. The stress relief I get from exercision alone is worth all the effort. I am going to keep on keeping on.
Sorry for the short post. I am going to shower and go to bed.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday Weigh-In
So I skipped posting my blog yesterday because it was a busy day. I had a baby over here all day and really did not want to be away from him for too long. Yesterday was a good day. I did some Yoga in the morning and worked out on the elliptical for 38 minutes at night. I was so tired and so hot when I got done..I felt like vomiting.
Today (Wednesday) has started in an amazing way. Today is weigh in day. I was nervous to get on the scale so I procrastinated for a while. Finally I got on the scale and it read 250.2 WHOOO HOOO...that is 4.2lbs down from last week and a total of a little over 12 lbs for the month. I am praising GOD...I CAN do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me. I am so excited. I know that not every month will be like this, but it sure is a good start and motivation to keep going. I have a LONG way to go...but I know the secret formula just eat less and move more...it's ALL about calories in vs. calories out. Well, let me correct that...there is another necessary ingredient in this weight loss journey...the mind and spiritual work.
Jazmyne is having her wisdom teeth cut out today. I am nervous for her, but read Psalm 91 last night and I am asking God to send Jazmyne's angels to watch over her. I thank God that she will come through this surgery just fine. I sure do love my kids. I know I complain about them...but I would die for those babies.
I hate to cut this short, but I have to get ready to go. I need to track my breakfast before we leave.
Have a good day!
Today (Wednesday) has started in an amazing way. Today is weigh in day. I was nervous to get on the scale so I procrastinated for a while. Finally I got on the scale and it read 250.2 WHOOO HOOO...that is 4.2lbs down from last week and a total of a little over 12 lbs for the month. I am praising GOD...I CAN do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me. I am so excited. I know that not every month will be like this, but it sure is a good start and motivation to keep going. I have a LONG way to go...but I know the secret formula just eat less and move more...it's ALL about calories in vs. calories out. Well, let me correct that...there is another necessary ingredient in this weight loss journey...the mind and spiritual work.
Jazmyne is having her wisdom teeth cut out today. I am nervous for her, but read Psalm 91 last night and I am asking God to send Jazmyne's angels to watch over her. I thank God that she will come through this surgery just fine. I sure do love my kids. I know I complain about them...but I would die for those babies.
I hate to cut this short, but I have to get ready to go. I need to track my breakfast before we leave.
Have a good day!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday Musings..
After a weekend of wanting to eat everything that was not nailed down, Monday finds a very different me. I am content today. I had a modest breakfast of a bagel thin with some reduced fat cream cheese, a banana, and coffee.
Lunch was simple. Roast beef on an Arnold's Whole Grain Sandwich Thin with reduced fat cheese and light mayo (Hellman's light mayo is awesome) with some green beans.
It is now 4:45 p.m and I've already guzzled 64 oz of water and I still have my workout to do.
I feel good today. I feel content with my food choices but I still need some more vegetables to reach my minimum of 5 servings per day. Tonight for dinner we are having turkey tacos, fat free refried beans, corn and probably cauliflower. I need something else that's green but the grocery budget is non existent until I get paid for childcare this week.
I peeked at the scale this morning and I am excited. My gain from last week seems to be a thing of the past. I don't want to jinx anything by publishing the number until I verify it on Wednesday morning, but if it holds true, I am one happy girl. Days like these make me believe I CAN and WILL accomplish my goals. I cannot do it alone. I need God's help. My husband and some friends have been praying for me. I can really tell that those prayers are helping. I also keep repeating to myself that "I can do all things thorough Christ who strengthens me". (phil 4:13) There is something amazing about speaking God's word over our lives. It releases His power to work for us.
This weekend when I was having a moment of weakness, the Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance the scripture that says that God's strength is perfect in my weakness. When I am weak, I don't have to depend on my strength, I can ask God to be my strength. To realize this was amazing.
Anyway, I am having some really severe back pain. I am not sure if it's a disc, or if my fibroids are pushing on a nerve, but it HURTS...my workout tonight will be interesting. I just hope I can manage a decent workout without causing myself too much pain. It may be a ride on the recumbant bike for me tonight...OH..speaking of working out. I scaled my workouts back twice this week. I had been putting in an hour or longer 5 days a week...well this week I had two workouts where I did not exceed 45 minutes. I wonder if that contributed to the lower number I saw on the scale. I know my body sure did thank me for it. I will try it again this coming week to see if it makes a difference for real.
Well, I am going to go cook dinner. Just wanted to update my blog.
Have a good day y'all!
Until tomorrow
Lunch was simple. Roast beef on an Arnold's Whole Grain Sandwich Thin with reduced fat cheese and light mayo (Hellman's light mayo is awesome) with some green beans.
It is now 4:45 p.m and I've already guzzled 64 oz of water and I still have my workout to do.
I feel good today. I feel content with my food choices but I still need some more vegetables to reach my minimum of 5 servings per day. Tonight for dinner we are having turkey tacos, fat free refried beans, corn and probably cauliflower. I need something else that's green but the grocery budget is non existent until I get paid for childcare this week.
I peeked at the scale this morning and I am excited. My gain from last week seems to be a thing of the past. I don't want to jinx anything by publishing the number until I verify it on Wednesday morning, but if it holds true, I am one happy girl. Days like these make me believe I CAN and WILL accomplish my goals. I cannot do it alone. I need God's help. My husband and some friends have been praying for me. I can really tell that those prayers are helping. I also keep repeating to myself that "I can do all things thorough Christ who strengthens me". (phil 4:13) There is something amazing about speaking God's word over our lives. It releases His power to work for us.
This weekend when I was having a moment of weakness, the Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance the scripture that says that God's strength is perfect in my weakness. When I am weak, I don't have to depend on my strength, I can ask God to be my strength. To realize this was amazing.
Anyway, I am having some really severe back pain. I am not sure if it's a disc, or if my fibroids are pushing on a nerve, but it HURTS...my workout tonight will be interesting. I just hope I can manage a decent workout without causing myself too much pain. It may be a ride on the recumbant bike for me tonight...OH..speaking of working out. I scaled my workouts back twice this week. I had been putting in an hour or longer 5 days a week...well this week I had two workouts where I did not exceed 45 minutes. I wonder if that contributed to the lower number I saw on the scale. I know my body sure did thank me for it. I will try it again this coming week to see if it makes a difference for real.
Well, I am going to go cook dinner. Just wanted to update my blog.
Have a good day y'all!
Until tomorrow
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Binges all in the name of Weekly Points Allowance
I don't know what my problem is lately! Well, it could be that I have not done much of the "mind" work that is required on this journey yet. The mind work is crucial. It's apparent that I have't done that work because last night, I had a mini binge.
With Weight Watchers we have our daily points to use and we also have a Weekly Points Allowance. A WPA is 35 additional points we can use however we choose. We can use a few at a time or all 35 at once. We also can choose not to use any at all. I think these additional points kind of mess with my mind a bit.
In the past, I was able to use my WPA and lose weight very well. I am not so sure this time. Last week I had the small gain and if I keep eating like I did last night, I will have one this week too.
Yesterday was an extremely hungry day for me. I did my work out in the morning instead of at night.... I wonder if that had anything to do with my hunger level? Yesterday, I would eat a healthy meal but not 30 minutes later my stomach would be growling again. It was that way ALL DAY LONG.
Anyway, I made it successfully to dinner well within my points and had a great day up till then. It was after dinner that I had an issue. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I WANTED something...this is what gets me in trouble...I WANT something so I go get it. I have not masted telling myself no and that I am not hungry. Anyway, I ate 5 chex mix bars, YES 5...not all at one sitting but 5 over a period of 5 or 6 hours.
I like the way they tasted. I also had fat free popcorn, and 10 cheezeits as well as 2 cups of milk. My binge cost me 18 of those 35 points. My failure comes not because I used 18 of those points, but because I ate when I wasn't hungry anymore and I was eating to relieve stress and disappointment.
This has been a stressful week at the Smith house. Not because of my family, but because of this stupid daycare I have. Sometimes the parents push me over the edge. Sadly people, especially some of the Officer's wives I have encountered, don't really want to pay to have their children in child care.
This Tuesday, I had totell educate an officer's wife by letting her know that watching her children was how I get paid. I let her know that while I agreed to take some of her "deployed spouses benefits" I was not aware that she was using more hours for both of her children. I let her know that if she would have been up front with me,my policy would have changed in regards to how many hours she could use. I still needed to get paid.
She said she was going to find someone else and I told her I thought that was best. Well, she calls me yesterday wanting to bring her kid back to me. I politely told her no. She was upset, but I have finally learned that it is ok for me to have boundaries. It is not my responsibility to cater to the demands of people when it comes to their children. I am running a business. Just because it is in my house does not make it any less of a business than any other daycare.
I don't mean to stereotype,but I have the most trouble from the wives of Military Officers. Within in the military, officers are treated as if they were gods. Everyone caters to what an officer wants. SOME (not all) of the wives of these officers feel as if they are wearing thier husband's rank. Truthfully, I don't give a rats behind what rank your husband carries. When you step foot in my door, you are just like the enlisted families I deal with. I am not showing favor to your child because you are married to CW3 Whats-his-name or Major Bigshot.
SIGH...anyway...so yesterday's eating was not fabulous. Today is a new day. I've tracked my calories for yesterday and I am moving on. I already dread the weigh-in this week. I know that if I don't see a loss, then I am going to be upset AGAIN.
If I don't see a loss, then I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume more than 1500 calories a day in order to lose weight. Yes, I may have been able to consume more when I was younger, but as I am getting older, my metabolism is slowing down. For some reason, this depressed me. But it is what it is and I have to move on.
I seem to be growing impatient with my stomach. I have gained 75% of my weight in my stomach area and I HATE IT...I am so ready for my tummy to shrink. I know I am only 4 weeks into this thing, and it is going to take a considerable amount of time before any improvement is really noticeable, but I want to see a difference NOWNOWNOW...
I am going to spend some time in prayer today over this whole thing. I really need God to help me refocus and get my head back in the game. I also know that buying Chex Mix bars is dangerous and I will not be bringing them in to my home for quite a while. I also need to find another way to get my stress out of my body. Working out helps..but sometimes it's not enough.
Well, my dear husband went on his 26 mile bike ride today, so I have to wait until he comes back before I can go to the gym. In the meantime, I am going to make some coffee and have a wonderful breakfast.
Have a good day y'all
Until tomorrow.
With Weight Watchers we have our daily points to use and we also have a Weekly Points Allowance. A WPA is 35 additional points we can use however we choose. We can use a few at a time or all 35 at once. We also can choose not to use any at all. I think these additional points kind of mess with my mind a bit.
In the past, I was able to use my WPA and lose weight very well. I am not so sure this time. Last week I had the small gain and if I keep eating like I did last night, I will have one this week too.
Yesterday was an extremely hungry day for me. I did my work out in the morning instead of at night.... I wonder if that had anything to do with my hunger level? Yesterday, I would eat a healthy meal but not 30 minutes later my stomach would be growling again. It was that way ALL DAY LONG.
Anyway, I made it successfully to dinner well within my points and had a great day up till then. It was after dinner that I had an issue. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I WANTED something...this is what gets me in trouble...I WANT something so I go get it. I have not masted telling myself no and that I am not hungry. Anyway, I ate 5 chex mix bars, YES 5...not all at one sitting but 5 over a period of 5 or 6 hours.
I like the way they tasted. I also had fat free popcorn, and 10 cheezeits as well as 2 cups of milk. My binge cost me 18 of those 35 points. My failure comes not because I used 18 of those points, but because I ate when I wasn't hungry anymore and I was eating to relieve stress and disappointment.
This has been a stressful week at the Smith house. Not because of my family, but because of this stupid daycare I have. Sometimes the parents push me over the edge. Sadly people, especially some of the Officer's wives I have encountered, don't really want to pay to have their children in child care.
This Tuesday, I had to
She said she was going to find someone else and I told her I thought that was best. Well, she calls me yesterday wanting to bring her kid back to me. I politely told her no. She was upset, but I have finally learned that it is ok for me to have boundaries. It is not my responsibility to cater to the demands of people when it comes to their children. I am running a business. Just because it is in my house does not make it any less of a business than any other daycare.
I don't mean to stereotype,but I have the most trouble from the wives of Military Officers. Within in the military, officers are treated as if they were gods. Everyone caters to what an officer wants. SOME (not all) of the wives of these officers feel as if they are wearing thier husband's rank. Truthfully, I don't give a rats behind what rank your husband carries. When you step foot in my door, you are just like the enlisted families I deal with. I am not showing favor to your child because you are married to CW3 Whats-his-name or Major Bigshot.
SIGH...anyway...so yesterday's eating was not fabulous. Today is a new day. I've tracked my calories for yesterday and I am moving on. I already dread the weigh-in this week. I know that if I don't see a loss, then I am going to be upset AGAIN.
If I don't see a loss, then I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume more than 1500 calories a day in order to lose weight. Yes, I may have been able to consume more when I was younger, but as I am getting older, my metabolism is slowing down. For some reason, this depressed me. But it is what it is and I have to move on.
I seem to be growing impatient with my stomach. I have gained 75% of my weight in my stomach area and I HATE IT...I am so ready for my tummy to shrink. I know I am only 4 weeks into this thing, and it is going to take a considerable amount of time before any improvement is really noticeable, but I want to see a difference NOWNOWNOW...
I am going to spend some time in prayer today over this whole thing. I really need God to help me refocus and get my head back in the game. I also know that buying Chex Mix bars is dangerous and I will not be bringing them in to my home for quite a while. I also need to find another way to get my stress out of my body. Working out helps..but sometimes it's not enough.
Well, my dear husband went on his 26 mile bike ride today, so I have to wait until he comes back before I can go to the gym. In the meantime, I am going to make some coffee and have a wonderful breakfast.
Have a good day y'all
Until tomorrow.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Rollercoaster emotions and my weight
Well, I think the honeymoon phase is over. Maybe not completely, but I am not as enthusiastic as I was in the beginning about my new lifestyle. That is not to say that I have any intention of abandoning my new way of life, but I just feel like now is when the real commitment comes in.
Wednesday's weigh in messed with my head and it messed with my mood a bit. I have not deviated from my calorie goals since Wednesday, but it I am feeling kinda blah. If I am honest, I think it's my hormones that have me feeling so....irritated.
Each month for a couple of weeks I fall into a deep pit. When I wake up in the morning, I am mad at the world before I even set foot outside my bed. I begin a little pity party that lasts all day or even for several days. I get mad at Terrance, the kids, my neighbors, my friends, my family...a passing stranger...seems like everyone is on my "hit list".
The reality is I am the problem. I am the one with run away emotions during the time of the month when my hormones are doing a number on my psyche. I am praying for help this month.
Last night during counseling, my therapist told me of a vitamin pack being sold at GNC that helps women deal with PMS. He said he had a client who was homicidal/suicidal every month for one week. She began taking this regimen of vitamins and after two months, she noticed a difference. I think I am going to have to try this myself.
My body is tired also. It's been a long two weeks since my daycare has been open again and I am quickly remembering how horrible it really is. It's not the kids per se...it's always the drama with parents. I am ending this part of my life again in September. I have been offered two jobs one in the morning and one in the evening. Each part time, but each very flexible and do-able for my life. I think these offers are blessings straight from God.
Yesterday's eating was great. Exercise was non-existant because of the kid's open house and counseling at the end of the day. This morning, one of my three started school. The other two go on the 23rd.
I took advantage of the oldest being home and headed to the gym this morning. Felt good to sweat, but I find that unless it is a Saturday morning, I am much more comfortable going to the gym in the evening. Don't know why that is...but I am.
Well, I guess I should get off here and do something.
Until tomorrow....
Wednesday's weigh in messed with my head and it messed with my mood a bit. I have not deviated from my calorie goals since Wednesday, but it I am feeling kinda blah. If I am honest, I think it's my hormones that have me feeling so....irritated.
Each month for a couple of weeks I fall into a deep pit. When I wake up in the morning, I am mad at the world before I even set foot outside my bed. I begin a little pity party that lasts all day or even for several days. I get mad at Terrance, the kids, my neighbors, my friends, my family...a passing stranger...seems like everyone is on my "hit list".
The reality is I am the problem. I am the one with run away emotions during the time of the month when my hormones are doing a number on my psyche. I am praying for help this month.
Last night during counseling, my therapist told me of a vitamin pack being sold at GNC that helps women deal with PMS. He said he had a client who was homicidal/suicidal every month for one week. She began taking this regimen of vitamins and after two months, she noticed a difference. I think I am going to have to try this myself.
My body is tired also. It's been a long two weeks since my daycare has been open again and I am quickly remembering how horrible it really is. It's not the kids per se...it's always the drama with parents. I am ending this part of my life again in September. I have been offered two jobs one in the morning and one in the evening. Each part time, but each very flexible and do-able for my life. I think these offers are blessings straight from God.
Yesterday's eating was great. Exercise was non-existant because of the kid's open house and counseling at the end of the day. This morning, one of my three started school. The other two go on the 23rd.
I took advantage of the oldest being home and headed to the gym this morning. Felt good to sweat, but I find that unless it is a Saturday morning, I am much more comfortable going to the gym in the evening. Don't know why that is...but I am.
Well, I guess I should get off here and do something.
Until tomorrow....
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Weigh-in day and focus on a different direction...
So, yesterday was weigh-in day and I gained .02 (two-tenths of a pound). At first, I was upset and ready to cry, then I got real with myself....this is not a race....although sometimes I want it to be. Sometimes I want to be done already. I want to have all my weight off NOW...but that's not the way the body works. Also, I guess if I was losing really quicky, the weight would not stay off NOR would I learn the lessons I need to learn while on this journey to change my life.
This morning I did a STUPID thing...I weighed myself again...good gravy, I was up a whole pound. UUUGGGHHH...and for 5 minutes I ranted and raved to my husband...then I went and said a prayer. God really did give me peace. I also thought about this: my body is used to this..I will do something for a couple of week and then stop. My body is probably confused and holding on to everything until it realizes that this time I am serious!
I have also been exercising THEN eating my dinner because I listened to the advice of someone else. Well, with my schedule I usually exercise until about 8 at night and then eat dinner....I go to bed around 9, so my food is just sitting on my stomach all night...NOT GOOD.
Another possibility for my weight gain is that I have switched up my workout a little and I think I have been building my leg/butt muscles. I know that sometimes working your muscles will cause fluid retention because they are rebuilding.
In other words, there are several reason I could be seeing a bit of a gain. I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and eventually, I will see my weight come off. I am losing inches and even though the scale said my weight was up a pound this morning, my shorts were a whole lot easier to zip. I have to keep reminding myself that this is forever. If I am really going to embrace that mindset, then I will get to my goal. I think I am carrying around stress trying to make something happen and I have yet to embrace this truly as a lifestyle change. I guess my head needs some more work and my soul needs more prayer.
There are a couple of things I am going to change this week. I am going to eat dinner before going to the gym...it was working before...
I am going to cut back my cardio slightly...well...maybe not...ha ha..I am just going to see how I feel.
I am going to weigh-in next Wednesday and then not again until the 15th of September. After next Wednesday, I am cutting my cardio back to 35 minutes and adding weight training.
As far as food, I am going to stay within my points and if I need to dip into my Weekly Allowance Points or Activity Points..then I will...just not to the degree I did last week. I am getting older and my metabolism is not the same as it used to be.
Well, I better get started on my day...thanks for listening to me ramble.
Until tomorrow....
This morning I did a STUPID thing...I weighed myself again...good gravy, I was up a whole pound. UUUGGGHHH...and for 5 minutes I ranted and raved to my husband...then I went and said a prayer. God really did give me peace. I also thought about this: my body is used to this..I will do something for a couple of week and then stop. My body is probably confused and holding on to everything until it realizes that this time I am serious!
I have also been exercising THEN eating my dinner because I listened to the advice of someone else. Well, with my schedule I usually exercise until about 8 at night and then eat dinner....I go to bed around 9, so my food is just sitting on my stomach all night...NOT GOOD.
Another possibility for my weight gain is that I have switched up my workout a little and I think I have been building my leg/butt muscles. I know that sometimes working your muscles will cause fluid retention because they are rebuilding.
In other words, there are several reason I could be seeing a bit of a gain. I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and eventually, I will see my weight come off. I am losing inches and even though the scale said my weight was up a pound this morning, my shorts were a whole lot easier to zip. I have to keep reminding myself that this is forever. If I am really going to embrace that mindset, then I will get to my goal. I think I am carrying around stress trying to make something happen and I have yet to embrace this truly as a lifestyle change. I guess my head needs some more work and my soul needs more prayer.
There are a couple of things I am going to change this week. I am going to eat dinner before going to the gym...it was working before...
I am going to cut back my cardio slightly...well...maybe not...ha ha..I am just going to see how I feel.
I am going to weigh-in next Wednesday and then not again until the 15th of September. After next Wednesday, I am cutting my cardio back to 35 minutes and adding weight training.
As far as food, I am going to stay within my points and if I need to dip into my Weekly Allowance Points or Activity Points..then I will...just not to the degree I did last week. I am getting older and my metabolism is not the same as it used to be.
Well, I better get started on my day...thanks for listening to me ramble.
Until tomorrow....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday...what a great day
This morning rolled around way too soon and my buns were sore. I was trying to guess what I did at the gym to make them so sore. I finally figured it was because I increased the grade of incline I was using on the treadmill. Well, at least I know that walking up hills is good for your butt.
Today's eating went well, in fact, I haven't had dinner yet and I better hurry because I don't want food sitting on my stomach when I go to bed. Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am interested to see what the scale says. Only one more weekly weigh-in after this one before I go to monthly. I know that setting timed goals for myself is not good because if I don't lose x number of pounds by y date then I get frustrated...BUT if I were setting goals, I would love to lose about 50 lbs. by Christmas....ha ha..don't know if that will happen, but I sure am gonna keep going no matter what.
On a side note, I am really thankful for reconciliation. Latresa, I am really glad we worked things out. I know that God has a purpose for everything and maybe whatever God has in store for us, Satan was just trying to keep from happening.
If anyone would like to read good poetry, click on Latresa's name above and you will be directed to her blog. Good stuff.
This post is going to end here because I need to make dinner. Wish me luck on my weigh-in tomorrow!
Until tomorrow...
Today's eating went well, in fact, I haven't had dinner yet and I better hurry because I don't want food sitting on my stomach when I go to bed. Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am interested to see what the scale says. Only one more weekly weigh-in after this one before I go to monthly. I know that setting timed goals for myself is not good because if I don't lose x number of pounds by y date then I get frustrated...BUT if I were setting goals, I would love to lose about 50 lbs. by Christmas....ha ha..don't know if that will happen, but I sure am gonna keep going no matter what.
On a side note, I am really thankful for reconciliation. Latresa, I am really glad we worked things out. I know that God has a purpose for everything and maybe whatever God has in store for us, Satan was just trying to keep from happening.
If anyone would like to read good poetry, click on Latresa's name above and you will be directed to her blog. Good stuff.
This post is going to end here because I need to make dinner. Wish me luck on my weigh-in tomorrow!
Until tomorrow...
Monday, August 2, 2010
A thankful Monday
Today has been an amazing day. I am truly thankful for my friend Amber, you can find her blog here.
She is truly my "soul sister". God led us to each other through a mutual friend and since we first stared talking on e-mail she has blessed my life in so many ways. She is a wonderful friend, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and wife. I am so thankful for how our friendship grows. She is one person with whom I can be completely honest and I KNOW I am not being judged. She understands my quirks and accepts me flaws and all.
My eating has been great today and as soon as I get finished with this blog post, I will be heading to the gym. I always dread going, but when I get there, the energy changes and I become sucked in to the rhythm of the other people working toward better fitness. Doesn't hurt that there is often some eye candy to keep me occupied as I burn some calories.
God has been dealing with me in a such an amazing way lately. When he began showing me some stuff about myself, I allowed Satan to have a portal into my mind and He took what God was telling me and twisted it into something that had me questioning my salvation. It was a rough week, but I praise God that His love is unfailing and He is walking me through this. I am learning to rest in God's love and because He loves me, He won't leave me in a place of complacency. He wants me to grow and when I am ready, He moves me from glory to glory. God is so amazing. I am so thankful for Jesus and His willingness to die for me. I am thankful that even my most horrible self is still loved by Him.
Weigh in day is in two days. I have to admit I am not sure if I will see a loss this week. I really over did it Saturday. If I don't lose,then it really is ok. I know why and I know what I have to do the next week. I only have two more weekly weigh-ins before I go to my once a month weigh-ins. I am both nervous and excited about the weekly weigh-ins. I think it will make me push myself harder throughout the month because I want to see a good loss on the scale when I do step on it.
I am really liking the routine I am in right now. However, I do think I have better workouts in the morning. Things may change beginning Sept. 1st and morning workouts very well may be possible. In a way, I hope things do change and I can get my workout done when Isaiah is at school. Sometimes working out in the afternoon makes me feel like I am missing time with my hubby and kids. Oh well, I guess right now I am sacrificing for the greater good.
Well, I better get changed. I hear an elliptical calling my name.
Until tomorrow...
She is truly my "soul sister". God led us to each other through a mutual friend and since we first stared talking on e-mail she has blessed my life in so many ways. She is a wonderful friend, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and wife. I am so thankful for how our friendship grows. She is one person with whom I can be completely honest and I KNOW I am not being judged. She understands my quirks and accepts me flaws and all.
My eating has been great today and as soon as I get finished with this blog post, I will be heading to the gym. I always dread going, but when I get there, the energy changes and I become sucked in to the rhythm of the other people working toward better fitness. Doesn't hurt that there is often some eye candy to keep me occupied as I burn some calories.
God has been dealing with me in a such an amazing way lately. When he began showing me some stuff about myself, I allowed Satan to have a portal into my mind and He took what God was telling me and twisted it into something that had me questioning my salvation. It was a rough week, but I praise God that His love is unfailing and He is walking me through this. I am learning to rest in God's love and because He loves me, He won't leave me in a place of complacency. He wants me to grow and when I am ready, He moves me from glory to glory. God is so amazing. I am so thankful for Jesus and His willingness to die for me. I am thankful that even my most horrible self is still loved by Him.
Weigh in day is in two days. I have to admit I am not sure if I will see a loss this week. I really over did it Saturday. If I don't lose,then it really is ok. I know why and I know what I have to do the next week. I only have two more weekly weigh-ins before I go to my once a month weigh-ins. I am both nervous and excited about the weekly weigh-ins. I think it will make me push myself harder throughout the month because I want to see a good loss on the scale when I do step on it.
I am really liking the routine I am in right now. However, I do think I have better workouts in the morning. Things may change beginning Sept. 1st and morning workouts very well may be possible. In a way, I hope things do change and I can get my workout done when Isaiah is at school. Sometimes working out in the afternoon makes me feel like I am missing time with my hubby and kids. Oh well, I guess right now I am sacrificing for the greater good.
Well, I better get changed. I hear an elliptical calling my name.
Until tomorrow...
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sunday and a fresh start.
Ok, yesterday was a colossal disaster where my eating was concerned...well, that not entirely true. It was fantastic until after dinner. I had 6.5 points left for the day nad planned on having a little treat later that evening. I had to go get Jazmyne from a friends house and that is when the madness began. While I was chatting with Jazmyne's friend's Mom, she offered me a beer...and I accepted it and drank all of it. No biggie, it was only 3 points and I still have 3.5 left....still room for a small treat, right?
We left Alex's house two hours after I got there and I was starving. Not just a little hungry, but starving. So what did I do? I stopped at Sonic and got mozzarella sticks...and ate 4 of them. Ok, well that would have been alright except when I got home I continued eating. I ate a pepperoni and cheese sandwich AND a Hershey's bar. After pigfest 2010, I wasn't hungry any more, but I knew I had slipped momentarily back into my old ways.
I said a prayer before going to sleep and woke up this morning with fresh determination. I was able to keep my eating today within in my points and I am successfully moving on from my Saturday night fiasco. Progress is what I am calling this. Any other time I would have let that slip become a slide into a plate of cheese fries or chocolate or something. I didn't, so that is a great thing.
This weekend also saw some drama from an old acquaintance from high school. It really was stupid and in my opinion, she took things too far. I took something she said on a blog of hers out of context and when she explained that it wasn't what I thought it was, I apologized for my misinterpretation of her words.
I thought she and I were both above letting this silly little misunderstanding cause childish bitterness...but sadly, I was wrong. I find out through her post on Facebook that she went and wrote a nasty little poem on her blog about the whole stupid little incident. So, not wanting to allow myself to be pulled into petty and childish stuff, I deleted her from my FB and cut ties with her in the blogging community.
Life is hard enough and while we are to love one another with the love of God, sometimes we have to love people from a distance...and stay FAR FAR away.
I know in my heart that I apologized for mistaking her words to mean something they didn't..but unfortunately grace and forgiveness was not something she was willing to extend. I just hope that I can walk in both forgiveness and grace toward her. I wish her well and I hope that she finds whatever fulfillment in her life that she is looking for. If writing a humiliating poem makes her feel powerful, then more power to her. With this being said, I pray that I will cause no further upset to her or to anyone else. I really did not try and offend anyone and while I should have gone to her privately instead of posting a comment on her blog, I really did not think that something so minor would cause such internal turmoil for this person. For that, I am truly sorry.
I am a flawed person. I am blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am truly flawed. I make mistakes and sometimes I unintentionally hurt people. I also get hurt.
My life is amazing, but I am not going to wear a mask that tells the world that everything is better than it really is. I am real. I deal with real emotions and I don't pretend to be something other than what I am. I try to be authentic in all that I do. Even with trying to live authentically, sometimess I fail.
I also appreciate real people. I am thankful for people who are not afraid to be vulnerable enough to accept an apology or to offer one. I am thankful for true friendships and even those acquaintainces that I never really get to know. I pray that this weekend's lessons will be learned and somehow, I will be a better person for all of it.
Until tomorrow...
We left Alex's house two hours after I got there and I was starving. Not just a little hungry, but starving. So what did I do? I stopped at Sonic and got mozzarella sticks...and ate 4 of them. Ok, well that would have been alright except when I got home I continued eating. I ate a pepperoni and cheese sandwich AND a Hershey's bar. After pigfest 2010, I wasn't hungry any more, but I knew I had slipped momentarily back into my old ways.
I said a prayer before going to sleep and woke up this morning with fresh determination. I was able to keep my eating today within in my points and I am successfully moving on from my Saturday night fiasco. Progress is what I am calling this. Any other time I would have let that slip become a slide into a plate of cheese fries or chocolate or something. I didn't, so that is a great thing.
This weekend also saw some drama from an old acquaintance from high school. It really was stupid and in my opinion, she took things too far. I took something she said on a blog of hers out of context and when she explained that it wasn't what I thought it was, I apologized for my misinterpretation of her words.
I thought she and I were both above letting this silly little misunderstanding cause childish bitterness...but sadly, I was wrong. I find out through her post on Facebook that she went and wrote a nasty little poem on her blog about the whole stupid little incident. So, not wanting to allow myself to be pulled into petty and childish stuff, I deleted her from my FB and cut ties with her in the blogging community.
Life is hard enough and while we are to love one another with the love of God, sometimes we have to love people from a distance...and stay FAR FAR away.
I know in my heart that I apologized for mistaking her words to mean something they didn't..but unfortunately grace and forgiveness was not something she was willing to extend. I just hope that I can walk in both forgiveness and grace toward her. I wish her well and I hope that she finds whatever fulfillment in her life that she is looking for. If writing a humiliating poem makes her feel powerful, then more power to her. With this being said, I pray that I will cause no further upset to her or to anyone else. I really did not try and offend anyone and while I should have gone to her privately instead of posting a comment on her blog, I really did not think that something so minor would cause such internal turmoil for this person. For that, I am truly sorry.
I am a flawed person. I am blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am truly flawed. I make mistakes and sometimes I unintentionally hurt people. I also get hurt.
My life is amazing, but I am not going to wear a mask that tells the world that everything is better than it really is. I am real. I deal with real emotions and I don't pretend to be something other than what I am. I try to be authentic in all that I do. Even with trying to live authentically, sometimess I fail.
I also appreciate real people. I am thankful for people who are not afraid to be vulnerable enough to accept an apology or to offer one. I am thankful for true friendships and even those acquaintainces that I never really get to know. I pray that this weekend's lessons will be learned and somehow, I will be a better person for all of it.
Until tomorrow...
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