Binges all in the name of Weekly Points Allowance

I don't know what  my problem is lately! Well, it could be that I have not done much of the "mind" work that is required on this journey yet. The mind work is crucial. It's apparent that I have't done that work  because last night, I had a mini binge.

With Weight Watchers we have our daily points to use and we also have a Weekly Points Allowance. A WPA is 35 additional points we can use however we choose. We can use a few at a time or all 35 at once. We also can choose not to use any at all.  I think these additional points  kind of mess with my mind a bit.
In the past, I was able to use my WPA and lose weight very well. I am not so sure this time. Last week I had the small gain and if I keep eating like I did last night, I will have one this week too.

Yesterday was an extremely hungry day for me. I did my work out in the morning instead of at night.... I wonder if that had anything to do with my hunger level?  Yesterday, I would eat a healthy meal but not 30 minutes later my stomach would be growling again. It was that way ALL DAY LONG.
Anyway, I made it successfully to dinner well within my points and had a great day up till then. It was after dinner that I had an issue. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I WANTED something...this is what gets me in trouble...I WANT something so I go get it. I have not masted telling myself no and that I am not hungry. Anyway, I ate 5 chex mix bars, YES 5...not all at one sitting but 5 over a period of 5 or 6 hours.

I like the way they tasted. I also had fat free popcorn, and 10 cheezeits as well as 2 cups of milk. My binge cost me 18 of those 35 points. My failure comes not because I used 18 of those points, but because I ate when I wasn't hungry anymore and I was eating to relieve stress and disappointment.

This has been a stressful week at the Smith house. Not because of my family,  but because of this stupid daycare I have. Sometimes the parents push me over the edge. Sadly people, especially some of the Officer's wives I have encountered, don't really want to pay to have their children in child care.

This Tuesday, I had to tell educate an officer's wife  by letting her know that watching her children was how I get paid. I let her know that while I agreed to take some of her "deployed spouses benefits" I was not aware that she was using more hours for both of her children. I let her know that if she would have been up front with me,my policy would have changed in regards to how many hours she could use. I still needed to get paid.
She said she was going to find someone else and I told her I thought that was best. Well, she calls me yesterday wanting to bring her kid back to me. I politely told her no. She was upset, but I have finally learned that it is ok for me to have boundaries. It is not my responsibility to cater to the demands of people when it comes to their children. I am running a business. Just because it is in my house does not make it any less of a business than any other daycare.

I don't mean to stereotype,but I have the most trouble from the wives of Military Officers. Within in the military, officers are treated as if they were gods. Everyone caters to what an officer wants. SOME (not all)  of the wives of these officers feel as if they are wearing thier husband's rank. Truthfully, I don't give a rats behind what rank your husband carries. When you step foot in my door, you are just like the enlisted families I deal with. I am not showing favor to your child because you are married to CW3 Whats-his-name or Major Bigshot.

SIGH...anyway...so yesterday's eating was not fabulous. Today is a new day. I've tracked my calories for yesterday and I am moving on. I already dread the weigh-in this week. I know that if I don't see a loss, then I am going to be upset AGAIN.

If I don't see a loss, then I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume more than 1500 calories a day in order to lose weight. Yes, I may have been able to consume more when I was younger, but as I am getting older, my metabolism is slowing down. For some reason, this depressed me. But it is what it is and I have to move on.

I seem to be growing impatient with my stomach. I have gained 75% of my weight in my stomach area and I HATE IT...I am so ready for my tummy to shrink. I know I am only 4 weeks into this thing, and it is going to take a considerable amount of time before any improvement is really noticeable, but I want to see a difference NOWNOWNOW...

I am going to spend some time in prayer today over this whole thing. I really need God to help me refocus and get my head back in the game. I also know that buying Chex Mix bars is dangerous and I will not be bringing them in to my home for quite a while.  I also need to find another way to get my stress out of my body. Working out helps..but sometimes it's not enough.

Well, my dear husband went on his 26 mile bike ride today, so I have to wait until he comes back before I can go to the gym. In the meantime, I am going to make some coffee and have a wonderful breakfast.

Have a good day y'all

Until tomorrow.