Let me start with my weigh-in. I lost 1.8 lbs this week for a total of -16 lbs. gone. I am thankful. That puts me at 246. I haven't seen that number ina while and while it's not quite "virgin fat territory", it's getting close.
Eating has gone well, although I feel something building inside...like the need to eat something fattening...and I wonder if it's stress and disappointment. With all that is going on right now, it would make sense that my desire for fatteneing food would be tied into the situation at hand.
What is the situation about which I speak? Well, it's my brother and his wife. They have been married for 9 years. From the beginning of their marriage, my brother has treated his wife horribly. For the life of me, I cannot understand WHY she has chosen to stay with him. He calls her every name in the book (cunt, stupid bitch, gutter whore)...and tells her she cannot do anything right. If she corrects their daughter in front of him, he tells his daughter she does not have to listen to her Mama. If she cooks for him, he criticizes her cooking. Yet, my SIL has stayed. She says it's because she doesn't take him seriously. She says she tunes him out and he apologizes for his blow-ups later. Ummm, I am sorry...this is my brother , but that is emotional and verbal abuse and NO ONE deserves to be demeaned like that.
I am not going to pretend that my SIL is perfect, because she isn't and there are legitimate issues within their marriage that need to be worked on. Neither my brother or SIL have EVER given priority to their marriage. Since my niece was born 10 months after they got married, their entire married life has revolved around my niece. She is 8 now and STILL SLEEPS IN THE BED WITH THEM EVERY NIGHT...well, let me correct that...she sleeps with Kelle...my brother is a truck driver and is gone most of the time. Still, co-sleeping with an 8 year old is NOT HEALTHY for anyone involved. They have always put Caitlin first and their marriage last. My SIL is a lot like my husband and communicating has always been difficult
Anyway, my brother says he has been telling Kelle that they need counseling for two years. Truthfully, he mentioned it twice in that time period...only TWICE.... So, here is where things start to seem...well, strange.
Two months ago, my brother began talking to a girl that my step sister has been friends with for year. This girl was giving my family information about some things that were occurring with my step-sister and her husband. Well, after this information was given, my brother continued talking to this girl on a regular basis. The calls increased. Now they are talking every single day..every single night...and he has stopped coming home when he gets in from a run. He tells his wife that he is sleeping in his truck, but personally, I think that is a bunch of bunk. Why? , Prior to two months ago, no matter how late my brother got in from a run, even if he only had a few hours to be at home..he went home. He wanted to be with his family. Since he's started talking to this girl, it's changed. My SIL discovered he was calling this girl at 2 a.m. For every time my brother has called his family, he has called this girl three times as often. Almost every single number on thier cell phone bill for the last three months has belonged to this girl...
He tells everyone that they are just friends, but it's funny that the subject of a divorce never really came up until two months ago when this "relationship" began.
My mother found the girl at my brother's house while my SIL was out of town. No, they weren't inside his house, but still, it didn't look right. This girl knows my SIL but any time she is around her, she will NOT speak to my SIL...it's just a little suspicious. If there really was nothing going on..why would you not speak?Why would you NOT make sure NO ONE thought anything was going on that was inappropriate? My mom has questioned my brother about this girl and he got very upset and defended this girl over my SIL ...wait..why are you defending her and not considering your wife??....it just all seems so sad.
The latest blow was when he told me that although he is still sending my SIL and niece on a trip to Disney World, he will not be going..his reasons are so that he can work He claims they need the money...but UMMMM..this is your child's FIRST time to go to Disney and you aren't going to be there? You say you need the money...ok..so cancel the trip altogether...If you don't have other motives, then either go with your family or cancel the trip totally. It doesn't sound right that you are still sending them (costing money) but YOU are not going.... I don't think that sounds right...I know, I am leaving off major details and some of this doesn't sound so bad...but , and this is where I am going to step on some toes, IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOU ARE HAVING ISSUES YOU HAVE NO NO NO BUSINESS TALKING TO ANOTHER WOMAN/MAN ABOUT YOUR MARITAL ISSUES UNLESS IT IS A COUNSELOR OR A FAMILY MEMBER.
IF YOU ARE TALKING TO A MARRIED PERSON HAVING MARITAL ISSUES AND YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN SUSPECTED THAT YOU MAY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SAID MARRIED PERSON...IF YOU CARE ABOUT THEM AT ALL THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE UNTIL THEIR DIVORCE IS FINAL...
That is just my two cents. I believe in grace and forgiveness, but I do see how another person can be a contributing factor in a the dissolution of a marriage that COULD have been saved. When you are having marital issues, muddying the waters by talking to someone of the opposite sex that you've admitted that you were attracted to is just NOT a good idea. Either give your marriage a fighting chance and leave the other person alone or make the decison to leave. Also, look beyond what may feel good in the moment. Especailly if there are children involved. Once you decided to split up the marriage you are damaging many lives beyond your own. Divorce sucks. It hurts...and inevitably the kids get caught in the middle.
Now, do I believe that there is forgiveness for everything? Of course I do. Do I believe in grace..of course I do. I would not be living the life Christ wants me to live if I did not....
However, when you really haven't even mentioned divorce until you begin talking to another woman, then...yeah, I have an issue with that. Especially when this girl is a friend of our step-sisters and has trashed our step-sister to death. Also, when a person does everything to drive a wedge between you and your famliy...then yeah, I see a BIG problem.
This stresses me because it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I hate to see the potential casualties. I hate to see what this is doing to my SIL and my niece. Hearing her cry on the phone broke my heart...and watching my brother's selfishness is maddening. I am praying that God will remove the scales from my brother's eyes and will soften his heart. I am praying for a reconciliation. I am praying that because marriage is OF God, that He will save this one. God already has everything worked out. I do trust that. I just pray that my brother makes the right choices and will at least give his marriage a chance.
While I could choose to be upset with this girl, I really am not. I am upset with my brother. This other girl is just a pawn in the game. It could be any other girl, it really would not matter. The fact is that my brother's clear thinking is being clouded by the presence of another person. He has also tuned God out completely.
This situation is just really sad to me. I will support him and I will love him. That does not mean that I will like or even approve of what he does. I am going to need God to work on my heart in this situation also....
Sigh...
Guess I should go now...
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