I really cannot believe I am almost two weeks into my new lifestyle. It really is pretty easy. Exercise and eat well. That's all there is to it...I was the one holding myself back all these years. I was the one that decided I wanted to be fat instead of fit...then almost two weeks ago..I decided that being fat wasn't working for me anymore.
Terrance made the statement that I had drawn my line in the sand where my weight was concerned and just made the decision to change what was no longer working for me.
That has me thinking. There are a few other "lines in the sand" that I need to draw. One of those being making the decision to no longer be a victim. For so many years of my life, I have played the victim in whatever situation presented itself. I blamed everything on my crappy childhood. I like to think that I was the victim of parents who didn't love me enough...or step-parents who didn't like me.. I was the victim of people who lied about me, mistreated me, damaged me...and while some of that may be true, I have allowed myself to wallow in that for way too long.
Yes, my childhood was crappy...but SO WHAT..Yes, it could have been better, but really, it could have been so much worse. Truth is, I was raised by a Mom who loved us, worked two and sometimes three jobs to provide for us, and did her best. I was not beaten or abused. I had all that I needed and some of what I wanted. Yes, my parents divorced, but so many other people's parents were divorced also. Yes, my brothers and I were emotionally damaged...but in reality who isn't. I have allowed myself to be the victim of unfortunate circumstances for far too long. I am tired of it. I told my Mom yesterday that I am tired of me.
I am a Christian. I believe that God is the ONLY God..He is all powerful, all knowing, and the creator of everything. I believe in the Trinity and the redemption of my sins paid for by Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus was sent to die for all sinners and that I am saved only by grace. I believe that God is good. I believe that He is just. I believe that His word is true. I believe that He has a good plan for my life and that my purpose is to glorify Him and to live like Jesus. I believe that we cannot possibly wrap our human brains around how much God really does love us..
If I really believe those things...if I really belive that God is good, then I have to believe that everything that has ever happened to me, around me, or because of me...God is using for my good. He is using those things meant for my harm to make me the person He created me to be.
I do not believe that it is His will for me to waste any more of the life He blessed me with being unhappy. Let me qualify that...life on Earth will not be a "happy" one because we do live in a fallen and sinful world. I will not be truly "happy" until I reach Heaven . However, I do belive that I can have JOY that comes only from God. I know that I have to make the decision to have my mind renewed by the word of God. I have to fill my existance with the things of God. I have to find whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. (Philppeans 4:8). I have to understand that there is the power of life and death in the tongue and I have to choose to speak life instead of death. I am done speaking death into my existance.
Jesus did not come into this world for me to wallow in self-pity. In God's word, Jesus told me that He came so I could have life and have an abundant life.
I believe it grieves God when I wallow in self-pity and when I choose to remain in the muck and mire that Jesus gave His life to take away.
It is a choice. It is my choice if I am going to let go and TRUST GOD..or if I am going to continue to live in a selfish and small world where I think only of how I didn't or don't have the lifestyle I though I should have. I believe that I sin by feeling sorry for myself when in reality, I deserve nothing good. NOTHING. I actually deserve much worse than what I ever got or ever will get...BUT, GOD LOVES ME...and because He loves me, he doesn't give me what I deserve...instead He blesses me with good things, a good life, and whispers each day that He loves me.
Quite honestly, after writing all this I feel shameful for behaving in the way I've been behaving. I have been so busy complaining about everything instead of enjoying the blessings around me. I have been listening to the world and comparing myself to worldly standards.
I've been doing everything wrong.
I put more empahsis on what my neighbors think about my parenting skills instead of what GOD thinks of my parenting skills. I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself because of things that happened instead of being thankful that I am alive and that God spared me from what COULD have happened.
I am a blessed person. I have a husband who loves me, three beautiful, healthy, smart children, I have parents who love me, brothers who tolerate me (but love me in their own way) I have health, peace, enough money to pay my bills and some extra for little things, I have the freedom to worship where I choose. I have a car that is in good working order. I have a food, shelter, and clothing. I have more material things than I need. I am abundantly blessed. Blessed.
My whole attitude has been really stinky for a long time. For that I apologize to God. I am thankful that I have the rest of this day to live a thankful life. I pray that each day that God allows me to see, I will remember what I have instead of what I don't. I pray that I will glorify God with my thoughts and actions. I pray that He will continue to change me. Inside and out.
My weight is only one of the transformations I am making. I do recognize that I cannot change anything..not even my weight...on my own..it is ALL GOD...and for any good that comes from me, any weight that I lose, any change that I make..it is GOD who gets the GLORY...I pray that today is my starting point, my rebirth of personality if you will. I pray that as I make healthy food choices I will make healthy THOUGHT choices as well.
I pray that as I exercise my body, I will exercise the power of God's word in my life. I will use my mouth for good words instead of negative words. As I renew my body, I pray that God's word will renew my mind.
Today I am making that choice to change my life......all of it...
If you are someone who is reading my blog and you don't have a relationship with God through Jesus...I urge you not to wait too much longer. If you need to know how...just send me a message. He loves YOU just like He loves ME. What He did for me, He will do for you. That's guaranteed!
Until tomorrow!
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