Well...

I haven't posted in two days because I have been busy with life. Truthfully, I've just been really tired. I also feel guilty when my husband and I have been apart all day, then when he gets home, I go to the gym for  a long time. When I get home, I usually shower and try to spend a few minutes with him until my eyes cannot take it anymore and I have to go to sleep.

The days have gone well. I've had victory in my eating habits in so many ways and last night was a big one. We went out to eat. Santa Fe Cattle Company. It was great...we ordered loaded Nachos and I ate a small plate full. I also ordered a Philly Cheese steak sandwich and fried potatoes...I ate maybe 5 of the potatoes and only half of the sandwich....Usually I would have crammed it all in, you know, not wanting to waste food...but not last night. I ate until I was full and then left the rest alone. I even had a small blizzard. I used all of my weekly allowance points and 3 activity points, but you know what....I needed the mental break and this morning, I am right back on it.


*This post has been edited to avoid needless drama!*

My plan was to work out Monday- Friday this week, but I took off last night (Friday) . As soon as Terrance gets back in from his bike ride, I am going to the gym to get that 5th workout over with. I am sticking to my commitment to myself. No one can do this for me. I am responsible for my body and my fitness. I keep praying and asking for God to help me stick to it. I really do want this.

Thursday night, after I got in from the gym, I broke down in tears. I told Terrance how badly I wanted to lose weight and the fear that I will go back to my old ways becomes overwhelming sometimes. I don't want to go back at all. I want to change my life for good. Sometimes, even already, I get tired of working out. Physically and mentall tired. I just turn off my mind and go anyway. I often wonder if I am really going to stick it out. The only person that can determine my success is ME....and all I can do is take it one day at a time.

I don't plan to fail this time...I truly want to life a healthy lifestyle. I realize that I can have days where I eat a little more, but that CANNOT be a way of life. Even normal eating people indulge every once in a while. The trick is getting right back on the saddle. Even when going out to eat...I don't HAVE to eat everything. I need to listen to my body and I have been doing just that.

Tonight we are going to the drive-in movies. I am excited for the kids because they never have been . It should be fun..

Well, I guess that's all for today. For some reason my words are not flowing freely this morning.

Until tomorrow.