Amazing. That's what today was. My morning started a little rough because I *thought* I was going to have another inspection. I also had a CPR challenge, so I did not eat breakfast until I had been awake for two hours. When I did eat, all I had was a banana and, of course, coffee. It was a hungry morning and did not go as I planned, but learning to adapt to stressful situations without ditching my goals is part of this process. I made it to lunch successfully and ate a wonderfully satisfying and healthy meal. I also aced my CPR challenge and I feel ready to save a life should the need occur.
Over the last three days I have really been listening to my body. I noticed that when I eat breakfast within a reasonable time from getting out of bed, I have no problem making it until lunch before eating again.
Lunch until dinner is a different story. I need a snack at 3. Today, we were at counseling when 3 rolled around, so I didn't get my snack. When we left the office we had to make a trip to Wal-Mart. Shopping while starving is a dangerous thing for me. I managed to choose a healthy snack and felt a whole lot better after eating it on the way home.
Dinner was especially wonderful..not because of the taste of the food but because I stopped eating when I was full.....For me, that is a major victory. I did not finish my dinner because that internal mechanism that God gave me signaled that I had enough..so I put the rest of my dinner in the micorwave in case I got hungry after my walk. Y'all..never have I ever done that..EVER...this was huge...This one little step reaffirmed my faith in myself and in my body. God is so awesome!
Part of my lifestyle change is embracing exercise and exercising consistently. I have exercised sproadically for a long time but usually gave up after a couple of weeks. I am not going to let that happen this time...That being said, I was not going to exercise tonight. I was going to be fine with my decision not to exercise tonight because we are going swimming tomorrow...but guess what I did? Not only did I go ahead and walk...I RAN HALF A MILE. That's further than the other two nights. I was sweating buckets, BUT DARN IT I WAS RUNNING. I noticed that when I thought about other things, running did not hurt quite as much. AMAZING. My chubby self RUNNING half a mile. I did not even care about the cars that slowed down to stare before speeding up again. I told myself that they were staring because they were happy that I was doing something about my weight...(in reality, they may have been looking for craters in the sidewalk where I ran, but let's just go with my imagination right now)
Terrance always tells me that I will soon discover that running is not all it's cracked up to be. He may be right. I have a feeling that he feels the way he does because the Army bullies him into running 2 miles against his will... but I have always wanted to be a runner. Don't really know why, but I have. I set a goal to run a mile. I don't think I will stop at a mile, but realistically, right now I weigh 262 lbs and running a mile is a lofty goal. Albeit, a goal I can attain...but still.
As I was driving today, I started thinking about my running aspirations and began to mentally list the reasons I wanted to run...One of the things I came up with was that if someone was chasing me, trying to hurt me, I want to at least make it a LITTLE more difficult to catch me. At my present weight, I couldn't outrun a turtle, much less a terrorist. (Maybe it's that I am a military wife that makes me automatically think of terrorists catching me before kidnappers or murders..strange, I know) . I am not running for speed, I am running just so I know that I CAN run. I am running so I can say that I am a runner. I am running so that my body will know that the fat is getting evicted FOR GOOD. I am running for all those people who wish they could. I am running for ME.
I am really proud of myself today. I faced several challenges and I overcame those obstacles. This time I know..I mean I really KNOW that NOW is my time. I WILL succeed. I WILL accomplish changing my life and making it what I WANT it to be.
This journey is only three days in the making, but I already feel as if it's been a lifetime in coming. Tonight I will go to bed knowing that for the first time in my life, I am really loving myself...and that, my friends, is AMAZING...
Until tomorrow....
Hey there! It's a fabulous thing when the built in switch inside us flips ON and tells us, okay we can do this. We can eat well (for the right reasons) and exercise (without having a panic attack first) and we can lose weight because we have nothing else to lose in trying, but we have EVERYTHING to lose by maintaining our current weight (or gaining more). I really enjoyed reading your posts and am glad you followed me on my blog. I have returned the favor and will definitely be following your journey. You can do it! Oh and don't ever let anyone tell you not to do something if it something you have your heart set on. If YOU want to be a runner, by all means test it out and see if it is something you really DO want.It may be. It may not be but how will you ever know if you don't try it? I for one, know that running is killer on my 275lb body so while YES I WOULD LOOOOVE TO RUN, right now is not the time for me. But maybe in 75lbs things will be different. For you maybe there couldn't be a better time than right now. Listen to your body and do what feels right.
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The Fat Chick